


I’m Not Alone

by Cardamom21



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Even's POV, Happy Ending, Love at First Sight, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-16
Updated: 2017-10-24
Packaged: 2019-01-18 05:17:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12381684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cardamom21/pseuds/Cardamom21
Summary: At that moment, Even felt his heart skipped a beat. That was the most beautiful face he had ever seen, and he was sure that he would never see a more beautiful face in the future. He thought hard, but found no word to describe his beauty. Those emerald-like green eyes, the perfectly-shaped nose, and the cupid-bow-like lips. God, those lips. That cupid bow just shot an arrow into Even’s heart. He suddenly had an impulse to kiss the boys’ lips, to lick the beautiful curve of that cupid bow.or Skam Season 3, from Even’s POV.





	1. Good luck, Even!

**Author's Note:**

> I have read many fanfictions on AO3, but this is my first time to write a fanfiction on my own, so I’m quite nervous. I just want to enjoy the writing process, no matter this piece turns out to be good or not. If you have any suggestion or expectation, please feel free to comment below! All the comments and kudos will be greatly appreciated! Alt er love <3 <3 <3

Chapter 1: Good luck, Even!

****Sunday, 11:20** **

Even always felt lonely. It was not that he had no friend; just that he felt no one really knew him. Everyone was an isolated island, he always believed.

__I_ _ __’_ _ __m always alone._ _

At lunch time, Even went to canteen as usual. There were lots of people there, as he already expected. He chatted with his newly-known classmates with his usual warm smile on his face, but deep in his heart, he was not smiling at all. He knew that his smile was only a mask, a mask of his loneliness.

__Nobody really entered my heart. I_ _ __’_ _ __m always alone._ _

Suddenly, a group of four boys caught his eyes. To be more specific, a blonde boy with a snapback caught his eyes. That boy. The boy of his dreams. They boy he dreamed about for a few months. The boy he saw at the first day of school. Even adjusted his breath and quickly picked a table opposite to the four boys, where he could observe that blonde boy easily. His mind drifted back to the first day of school.

 

 

****The First Day of School, 12:12** **

Today was Even’s first day at school. It was no different from the former “first days”, except that he was now at Nissen, rather than Bakka. He had just transferred from Bakka to Nissen to repeat his third year for some reason. The reason he did not want to think about again. Nor did he ever want to talk about it to anyone. After all, who cares about his story? Who cares about him?

__I_ _ __’_ _ __m always alone._ _

The lessons were not difficult. After all, it was only the first day of school, and he had learnt something when he spent his third year of high school at Bakka. He was not bothered by the courses, not at all. He just felt a little bit miserable, like his world was hidden in shadows. There was no sunshine, no warmth. He felt that his heart was stuck with chilling ice.

After a simple lunch at canteen, Even wandered in the hall. Suddenly, his eyes were caught by some blonde curls. The curls belonged to a boy a few meters in front of him. They were the cutest curls Even had ever seen. For a while, Even really wanted to reach out and touch those beautiful curls.

“Isak!” yelled a boy with thick eyebrows. The boy with blonde curls turned his head, revealed his side face.

At that moment, Even felt his heart skipped a beat. That was the most beautiful face he had ever seen, and he was sure that he would never see a more beautiful face in the future. He thought hard, but found no word to describe his beauty. Those emerald-like green eyes, the perfectly-shaped nose, and the cupid-bow-like lips. God, those lips. That cupid bow just shot an arrow into Even’s heart. He suddenly had an impulse to kiss the boys’ lips, to lick the beautiful curve of that cupid bow.

The boy smiled to the other boy with thick eyebrows. He smiled. The smile just melted the ice stuck in Even’s heart. Even felt that he was bathed in sunshine. For the first time in a whole year, he felt so warm.

__The moment I see you, I feel that I may not be alone._ _

 

 

****Now** **

“Halla!” Even heard a sweet voice. He lifted his head, and saw a blonde girl smiling at him. “My name’s Vilde, and this is my friend Sana. We are group leaders of the Kose Group.” Even looked at the girl called Sana. Sana, the sister of his friend, or at least “former” friend, Elias. His minds drifted back to the first day of school again.

 

 

****The First Day of School, 15:00** **

For the next few hours after seeing Isak, Even felt that he could not concentrate in class. He was always thinking about the boy. The boy with blonde curls, green eyes, and a sunshine-like smile. He was dying to know him, or at least see him again. If only he knew someone at Nissen!

Wait. He did know someone. A girl named Sana, the sister of Elias, who once hung out with him at Bakka. Even was not sure whether Sana knew Isak, but he was too desperate to hesitate, and he immediately texted Sana.

 

****Sana** **

Hei, Sana!

Hi Even!

How’s your first day at Nissen?

Is everything OK?

Yeah, I just wanna know whether

you know someone called Isak,

a pretty boy with blonde curls,

green eyes?

Yes, I have a classmate

named Isak Valtersen.

Not sure they are the same one, though.

Ah, does your classmate

 have a friend with

thick eyebrows?

Haha you mean Jonas?

Then I guess they must be the same one.

 

 

Even nearly jumped after seeing the last line. He tried his best not to laugh out in class, and continued his texting.

 

 

****Sana** **

Sana, could you please do me a favor? Please!!!

Eh, OK, what favor?

I really want to know that boy. Please.

 

 

For a moment, Even thought Sana might feel strange or ask for more information. However, she did not. Considerate as she always was, she just texted back and told Even that she would find an opportunity for him.

Time passed quickly. Even was always waiting for the “opportunity”. Disappointingly, Sana never texted back again. The hope in Even’s heart began to diminish. After all, he deserved no love and no care.

__I_ _ __’_ _ __m always alone._ _

One night, when Even was about to go to bed, he heard his phone buzzing. A message. Even glimpsed at the message and nearly dropped his phone.

It was Sana. “The opportunity is coming. Kose group. At noon tomorrow.” 

Even read this simple message numerous times before his breath became smooth again. Kose group. My opportunity.

 

****Now** **

“Even, Even, are you listening?” asked the girl named Vilde.

“Eh, yes, of course. Sounds interesting.” Even smiled.

“Would you like to join us?” asked Vilde, excitedly.

“Ah, OK, I’d love to.” Even answered. He trusted Sana. To be honest, he did not know what the Kose Group was about. He just knew that this was an opportunity, an opportunity for him to know Isak. Vilde continued to talk about the Kose Group, Even pretended to be interested, while sneaking a gaze at Isak. Somehow he felt that Isak was also looking at him. It must have been an illusion, Even guessed.

“OK, Even, that’s it. See you on Friday. I’ll send you a message about the time and place of our first meeting.” Vilde smiled and went away with Sana. Even saw that they were walking to Isak and his friends. He began to understand what the “opportunity” was. “Thank you so much Sana!” Even yelled silently.

 

****Friday, 19:15** **

Finally, the night came. Nervously yet excitedly, Even rushed to the place of the meeting. He was greeted by Vilde. Absent-mindedly, he talked to Vilde and took the bread, while secretly looking for Isak. Thankfully, he was there. Even walked in that direction. For a few seconds, Even really wanted to sit next to him. For a second thought, however, Even decided to take it slowly. He did not want to frighten the boy. He just chose a seat behind Isak, where he could stare at Isak without being noticed by him.

Even was just beginning to stare at Isak when a short-haired girl came and began to talk to Isak. The girl should be regarded as beautiful objectively, yet she seemed to be the most annoying person in Even’s eyes at that moment. Even really hated the way she looked at Isak, with so much affection.

Thankfully, the meeting began. After a brief introduction, Vilde asked them to stand up and played a “love game”. Even became excited, thinking about how to be closer to Isak during the game. To his disappointment, Isak just stood up and walked away. Without any hesitation, Even followed him instantly, yet he was extremely careful to hide himself, preventing Isak from finding him. Isak went to the restroom and entered a booth.

Standing near the basin, Even could hear the sound of the phone game from the booth. Even waited and waited and waited, trying to figure out what he should say to the boy. He really wanted the boy to remember him.

Even was still lost in thinking when he heard the flush of the toilet. Instinctively, Even began to wash his hands. His heart was beating so fast when Isak approached him.

A risky idea crossed Even’s mind. He began to take all the tissues out of the box. Isak, who seemed to be a little bit startled, just stared at Even. Even somehow enjoyed Isak’s glaring and continued his work. When he had taken out all the tissues, he wiped his hands and his chin. Then turning toward Isak, he uttered his first sentence to Isak, “Do you also need tissues?” He picked a used tissue from the rubbish bin and handed it to Isak, simply added another sentence, “Come outside.”

When Even sat on the back of the bench, lighting a cigarette, he felt nervous. He did not know whether his risky behavior would make Isak remember him, or simply scare the boy away. Hopefully, the angelic boy came near the bench. Even smoked the cigarette, and handed it to Isak, who accepted it and sat beside him.

“You know the group leader?” Even tried to initiate a conversation.

“Vilde?” Isak laughed, making the most beautiful sound in the world, “with the love game.”

“What was that?” Even asked, also smiled.

“I had to bail. I can’t be bothered with that stuff. What happened later?”

Another risky idea crossed Even’s mind. “She got us to go and feel each other in a dark room. If you touched a dick, you had to suck it.”

Isak seemed to be startled for a moment. Then he asked, “no?”

“No.” Even answered, laughing with Isak until Isak coughed. Even took the cigarette and began to smoke. After a few seconds of silence, Isak began to ask him about his class, and his previous school.

“You transfer on your third year?” Isak asked.

__Oh, here comes the question. What if he asked about the reason? Should I tell him everything, including those miserable memories? Should I reveal my disease? Will he be scared away by my illness?_ _

Even’s train of rambling thoughts was interrupted by a girl, by the same annoying short-haired girl who talked to Isak at the beginning of the meeting. What was more annoying, she tried to be in the same group with Isak.

“I thought we were in the same group.” Even uttered, before he could think about what he was saying.

“Yeah, I had in a way already agreed to be in a group with…em…” Isak said, and then began to cough.

Even suddenly realized that he hadn’t introduced himself to Isak, so Isak did not know his name. “Even.” he said, lending a hand to the girl. “Emma.” she held his hand.

__OK, Emma, I may hate you if you don_ _ __’_ _ __t go now._ _

What made Even hated Emma more, the girl insisted that they should form a group of three. Though reluctant, they had to agree at last, under the “fierce and threatening” gaze of Emma.

__Emma, I begin to hate you officially._ _

Emma, on the other hand, seemed to be so ignorant of Even’s hatred towards her. She dared to sit next to Isak and took the cigarette that Even wanted to hand to Isak originally. These three people sat together awkwardly. Even tried to forget about the presence of the annoying Emma, and only focused on the boy sitting beside him.

__At least, for this moment, I_ _ __’_ _ __m not alone._ _


	2. Yes, I’m 18.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even took Isak to his home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so busy recently, but I still complete chapter2, as I love Even and Isak so much. I really want to say thank you to those who have left kudos and comments, and those who have bookmarked this work. Again, if you have any suggestions or expectations, or certain plot that you would like to see in this work, please feel free to make comments. All the comments and kudos will be greatly appreciated! Alt er love! <3 <3 <3

Chapter 2: Yes, I’m 18.

Even couldn’t stop thinking about Isak. He had been thinking about him since the first meeting of Kose Group. He wanted to ask Sana about Isak’s phone number, but was afraid that he would scare Isak away. He decided to take it slowly.

Even took out his sketch book with green cover. He had begun to draw Isak when he saw him for the first time. Whenever he missed Isak too much, he took out his sketch book and began to draw Isak. He had drawn many versions of Isak, the smiling one, the pouting one; the standing one, the sitting one; the one playing football, the one reading a book... Seeing these pictures reminded him of Isak.

__As long as I_ _ __’_ _ __m drawing you, I_ _ __’_ _ __m not alone._ _

****

****Monday, 21:21** **

Even started to miss Isak again, just like what he did every day, every minute. He took out his sketch book, and stared at its cover. It was green, the color of Isak’s eyes. How he missed that pair of green eyes! He wanted to see him again, at least see some pictures of him.

Even began to search for Isak on the Internet. He typed “Isak Valtersen” and pressed the “search” button with trembling hands, not sure why he was so nervous. There was not so much information online. However, he found a video featuring a young Isak trying to rap. At that moment, Even’s heart skipped a beat. The little boy, wearing a hat, was making the cutest sounds in the world.

__How can someone be so cute? He_ _ __’_ _ __s just killing me._ _

Although he did not use any social media now, he downloaded Instagram, quickly opening a new account, and began to search for “Isak Valtersen”. However, he failed to find anything, and began to wonder whether Isak had an account or not, or whether he was not named “Isak Valtersen” on Instagram. Thinking about this question, and watching the video of Isak, Even began to fall into sleep.

__When I listen to your voice, I_ _ __’_ _ __m not alone._ _

 

****Tuesday, 21:21** **

This night, after rewatching Isak’s video millions of times, Even could not help missing Isak. Finally, he mustered up courage and texted Sana.

 

 

****Sana** **

Hei, Sana. I wanna know when will

be the next meeting of Kose Group?

Well, this has not been decided yet.

I will talk about it with Vilde.

 

 

Even felt both disappointed and relieved at the answer. He did not get a definite date, but at least there was hope now. After an hour, Even could not help but texted Sana again.

 

 

****Sana** **

I’m not sure whether it’s proper or not,

but could you please give me his number?

 

 

 

This time, Sana did not respond immediately. Even felt burning inside. He forced himself to put aside his cell phone, and picked a book as a distraction. Suddenly, his phone buzzed. Even rushed to pick his phone. To his disappointment, the message was not from Sana, but from Sonja. Yes, Sonja, his girlfriend.

 

 

****Sonja** **

Hei Even, I’m pretty busy recently.

I guess we haven’t seen each other for a while.

Have you been OK? How’s Nissen?

Have you been taking your meds?

 

 

Fine. This message was just so “Sonja”. One hundred percent. Ever since they got together at 15 years old, Sonja had been trying to control him, to manipulate everything in his life, especially after Even was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. For many times in his life, Even just thought Sonja was not like his girlfriend, but a friend, or a sister. Anyone but a girlfriend. Somehow he also thought that Sonja felt the same way. She might also consider Even as a friend, a younger brother, instead of her boyfriend. Although reluctant, Even decided to reply to Sonja’s message.

 

 

****Sonja** **

Yeah, I’m fine. Everything’s OK.

 

 

After pressing the “send” button, Even threw his phone away and lied on his bed.

__Yes, everything_ _ __’_ _ __s OK, especially Isak, who is far more than OK, who is fucking awesome._ _

His thoughts began to wander, until the buzzing of his phone dragged him back to reality. Even thought it might be Sonja again, so he picked up his phone with a frown. Surprisingly, it was Sana.

 

 

****Sana** **

I guess it would be better if you

asked him in person next time.

But I can give you his instagram account.

Isakyaki.

 

 

Again, Even felt both disappointed and relieved. He did not get Isak’s number, but at least he got his Instagram account. Even opened Instagram quickly, and searched for Isakyaki. Of course, he succeeded this time.

Holding his breath, Even clicked his name and began to check his pictures. The first few pictures featured a very young Isak, as young as he was in that “rapping video”. So cute, the boy was just so cute. Even nearly wanted to get through the screen to touch that young boy.

__How can someone be so cute? He IS killing me._ _

Many pictures were taken with his friends. Even had just begun to envy his friends until he saw another picture. A picture featuring Isak holding a girl. The girl was beautiful, not as beautiful as Emma, but as annoying as her. To Even, any girl who wanted to be Isak’s girlfriend was annoying. That picture was posted long time ago, and Even was sure that he had never seen this girl approaching Isak in the past few days.

__Maybe they had broken up a long time ago. He can still be mine._ _

 

****Wednesday, 11:16** **

Today might be Even’s lucky day, at least Even believed so, as he saw Isak again. Isak was talking to Vilde. Then, three boys came and joined their talk. Suddenly, Even felt that Isak spotted him. An idea crossed Even’s mind.

With a cigarette behind his ear, and his hands inside his pocket, Even walked along. He should not be sure whether Isak was watching him, but somehow he felt that Isak WAS watching him. Somehow he felt that there was a natural connection between them, making him know what Isak was doing at that time.

Pretending not seeing Isak, Even sat down and began to chat with his friends while enjoying the feeling that Isak was looking at him. Everything felt so right until a short-haired girl appeared and made everything so wrong.

__Emma. The annoying girl again._ _

Emma began to talk to the boys, never noticing Even, who seemed calm, but was angry inside.

__Fine. Now I hate you even more._ _

What consoled him was that Isak did not seem to be enthusiastic about Emma’s words. Even decided to forget about Emma, and just enjoyed the feeling of being watched by Isak.

__As long as you are looking at me like that, I_ _ __’_ _ __m not alone._ _

__

****Friday 15:35** **

Even was on the bus, thinking about Isak as always, when a breathtaking boy got on the bus.

__It_ _ __’_ _ __s him._ _

With his eyes stuck to his phone, Isak went near Even. Trying his best to suppress his ecstasy, Even decided to talk to him.

“Hello.”

“Hello.” Isak raised his head, replying him. Even could tell that his mind was occupied by something else.

“Going home?” Even asked, raising his eye-brows.

“Yeah. You too?” This time, Isak seemed to be avoiding eye contact.

There was an awkward silence for a few seconds, until Even spoke again.

“Awesome conversation, though.”

Even was still trying to come up with more topics when Isak asked him, “You’re 18 right?” He stammered a little while uttering this sentence.

__So cute._ _

Even screamed inside with ecstasy when he heard Isak asking him to help buy beer.

 

They got off the bus together and went to a store. Even entered the shop to buy beer, while Isak waited outside. Even quickly took the beer requested by Isak and walked to the counter. He was happy that he had this opportunity to do something for Isak. However, he also pitied that he could only buy beer for Isak instead of drinking beer with him.

Wait. Maybe he can drink beer with Isak.

Even returned the bottles to the shelves without hesitation when he remembered that he had beer in his fridge at home. He then went outside and told Isak that he forgot his ID, and he invited Isak to go home with him. Even was nervous while inviting Isak. After all, who would go home with him just to get an ID card to buy beer? However, Isak agreed immediately.

Walk side by side with Isak to his home made Even’s heart so full. He couldn’t help but begin to imagine that Isak had already become his boyfriend and went home with him afterschool every day. He indulged in his imagination until it suddenly occurred to him that he had invited Sonja and a few other friends to his house. They decided to meet at his house at eight this evening. Even was also afraid that Sonja might come here earlier to help him “arrange everything”.

As soon as they entered the room, Even shouted a “hello” and felt relieved when he heard no reply. “Nice.” he muttered.

Even began to look for his ID card, but was actually only pretending to search for it. He was pretty sure where it was, and he tried his best to hide it from Isak.

“Did you draw these pictures?” Isak asked.

“Yeah.” Even answered, pretending to remain calm.

“They are good. Really funny.” Isak said with a smile. Even loved this smile. He wondered whether Isak would smile more if he saw Even’s green-covered sketchbook, the sketchbook filled with pictures of Isak.

While Isak was looking at the pictures on the wall, Even kept thinking about what they should do then.

__Watching a movie? No, Isak did not seem like a boy who was fond of movies. Playing games? No, not romantic enough. Making him model for my new painting? No, that_ _ __’_ _ __s weird. Reviewing lessons together? God, what am I thinking about..._ _

Even became anxious in these few seconds as his train of thought went out of control. Suddenly, he saw a joint. Smoking weed sounds like a good idea. Even took the joint to Isak, earning himself another smile and a happy “ey”.

Sitting on the windowsill, they began to chat while smoking. They talked about everything. Class attendance, music, singers... everything they could think about. Even’s heart felt so full. He had not felt so happy for a long time, so long that he did not remember how long. With Isak talking to him and smiling at him, he felt there was nothing to worry about.

__As long as you stay with me, I_ _ __’_ _ __m not alone._ _

 

Time passed quickly, Even decided that they should eat something. Even originally wanted to cook some good dishes to impress Isak, but was disappointed to find that there was only toast and various ingredients in the kitchen. Even consoled himself that he could cook something good next time.

__Next time. If only there is one._ _

Even smeared the cheese on the toast, and asked Isak what ingredients he would like to add. They added almost everything they could find in the kitchen. Even thought the toast would taste weird, but since Isak was beside him,who cared about the fucking toast?

Isak began to look at his phone, and seemed to be sending some text messages. Even’s heart sank a little.

__Is he talking to someone else? Is he talking to Emma? Does he like boys after all?_ _

Even tried to focus on what he was doing and conceal his unsettling feeling. He put the toast into the oven, and drank beer with Isak. Soon, the toast was done. They sat down on the floor and began to eat.

“It’s absolutely terrible.” Isak groaned after taking a bite, frowning.

__God, how can someone be so cute with a frown?_ _

“A lot of cardamom is essential.” Isak said.

__Cardamom? OK, I remember it now. Next time, I will definitely add a lot of cardamom. If only, there is, a next time._ _

“Have you heard about my rap?” Isak suddenly asked?

__Heard about? I watched that video millions of times!_ _

“Actually, I have.”

“Give me a beat!”

Even happily obliged. Isak was simply cute. So cute. Even wanted to record him rapping along and watched it for numerous times when he missed Isak.

Everything felt so good, until the doll bell rang. Even’s heart sank again. He knew it should be Sonja and several other friends. He quickly invite Isak to stay and went to open the door. He was right. Outside the door were his friends, Elise, Eskil, and, his girlfriend, Sonja. He led his friends into the room while talking to them absentmindedly. When he introduced Sonja to Isak, he tried to make out the facial expressions of Isak.

__Is he disappointed? Is he unhappy? Does he care? Does he have some feelings for me?_ _

Even could not be sure about the answers. His mind became so messy. All the thoughts came to him immediately. It was overwhelming, so overwhelming. Sonja kept talking to him. Even did not know what he was thinking about when he began to kiss Sonja. He did not know what he was doing. Neither did he know why he was doing so. Maybe he wanted to test whether Isak cared about him, maybe he did not want Sonja to find out that he was so into Isak, maybe he wanted to forget about those messy thoughts by focusing on kissing, or maybe it was totally subconscious...

When they finally stopped kissing, Isak was still standing there, awkward and depressed. Even felt guilty, not only for Isak, but also for Sonja, as he actually did not put much feeling into that kiss, and he felt that he was just using Sonja. But somehow Even also felt a little bit happy to see Isak’s disappointment.

__He is disappointed. Maybe he is disappointed because he likes me, or at least have some feelings for me._ _

“I gotta go.” Isak blurted.

Even’s first impulse was to persuade him to stay. But this afternoon and this evening were already too much for him, both in a good way and in a bad way, so he simply let him go.

After Isak left, Even did not feel like enjoying his party anymore. He pretended that he had a headache and dismissed his friends.

Later that night, Even lied on his bed alone, thinking about what had happened. His mind drifted back to the afternoon when he chatted with Isak by the window. He kept thinking, until Isak’s image and voice became blurry and he fell into sleep. He was sure that he would see Isak in his dream that night.

__As long as you are in my dream, I_ _ __’_ _ __m not alone._ _


End file.
